Reflections

Thank You!
Each and every one of you are so incredibly sweet, caring and, not to forget, wise.

I am feeling better each day.

There are lessons to be learned from this, although I am sure not all have revealed themselves yet.

Time will tell many things - as well as heal our souls.

For that I am glad.

I remain with Gene at his home.

I have a space to store my belongings and a place to surround myself with some of my special treasures.

He has been patient, kind and loving through all these trials.

For all that I am glad.

Beth is here, too.

She needs to be with family, but she also needs to know she did something unacceptable.

Many people have spoken with her and I believe she is slowly realising the depth of it all.

For that I am glad.

I miss Bobby and Jenny very much, as they are still with their dad.

They will be there until I am settled - whichever way that is possible for me.

Their father has offered to buy my portion of the house and he, as a carpenter by trade, will fix it up and do what he wishes with the place.

For that I am glad.

My sister will be arriving from Toronto next Friday evening and the kids are coming to stay with us for a few days.

It's nice to have something to look forward to.

For that I am also glad.

Although my immediate family is slightly scattered for the moment, and my extended family is spread from one end of the globe to the other, Family endures.

We love and support each other despite the miles that sunder us.

For that I am always glad.

Although stricken from my home, I still have access to a computer.

I have been able to continue to compose my thoughts and use words to comfort me.

For me, the written word is a friend, whether I do the writing or the reading.

For that I continue to be glad.

At Christmas my entire Family will gather.

Beth, Bobby, Jenny and I are flying to Montreal, where Mum and Dad will meet us and we will drive to the family home on the shores of our lake in the Laurentian Mountains.

The place of my roots.

For that I am glad.

My brother and his sons, my sister, and my other brother with his wife and children from Australia will be there, too.

We will be spending several days over the Holidays at a cosy country auberge near Mont Tremblant.

Our leisure time will be occupied by world class skiing

dogsledding over the hills

roasting marshmallows over a towering bonfire

feasting on Holiday fare

sleigh rides winding through the trees

skating on the pond

lounging before a cosy fire in the sitting room

and sleeping beneath feather downs as the stars pulse through the cold outside our window.

For that I am glad.

We have our health.

We have our wisdom.

We have our aptitude.

We have our friends.

We have our love.

For that I am glad.

Next weekend we celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada.

Trying To Make Sense Of It All

I am still trying to sort things out, both emotionally and physically.

At the moment I grieve deeply and can, at the least, simply be happy knowing my children are alive.
I might be hesitant to say well, due to the fact that I do not think any of us are doing well. We are merely coping.
My two younger children are with their dad and I miss them so very much.
I also miss my home, the cosy woodstove, the laughter, and the sunlight shining through the kitchen window.
Everyone at work has been very patient and understanding, even though I have been absent for several days.
Bobby has been having isuues at school, and past troublesome learning habits have, once more, reared their ugly heads. I must see that he is looked after.
Jenny is very resiliant, yet she is the one who carries the most anger over her dad's and my separation. Still, she is young enough to move on from day to day with the most ease of all.
Beth is with me. Where she needs to be. For now.
I am staying with my new partner in his home.

Most of my belongings are packed away in storage, but my two couches and some sitting room furniture are set up in an empty area of his room.

It looks quite homey, but I still feel out of place.

I need my own space - especially now.
As for Beth, I cannot forgive what has been done.
I love her, care for her, and will always wish the best for her.

I pray for Beth.
I pray for Bobby.
I pray for Jenny.
I pray for Gene.

(He has been so patient and kind through all this.)
I pray for George.

I pray for a simple Peace.

Happier Days

Despite it all...

I will not
Say
The
Eff word.

Lessons

I am grieving for many things right now.I grieve for Beth...She is moving to Victoria on Vancouver Island over Georgia Strait across from the city of Vancouver. Over the sea...She will be staying with a good friend of ours. Remembert the family we took in last year who lived in our camper in the backyard? They will be returning the favour. There is no place I'd rather her go to.Beth needs to get away and begin living her own life - far from the drugs and alcohol that run rampant through the group of "friends" she was hanging with.
I grieve for Bobby and Jenny...They saw the result of the damage - both the physical and the emotional. It was their home, too.Like I did, they left for a lovely weekend, only to return to shambles.Poor wee Jenny's bed is broken and her dresser is smashed, along with some of her china and glass birthday gifts.At least they are with their Dad for now.
I grieve for my own life now gone...My home has always been my castle and my refuge. My pride and my comfort.I don't even have a home now.
But just maybe...Something can be learned and somthing can be gained from all the sadness.George and I are now on better communication terms.
Beth is moving ahead with her life - as she should now. I will be selling my half of the house to George, so I can ultimately buy my own home. Bobby and Jenny will still be able to retun to their home and George is planning on fixing the damage and making improvements at the same time. Something that I was not able to do. There is a long road ahead for all of us. We have the opportunity to choose how we travel upon that road. I am still in the process of moving. It is difficult for me to be in the house, but it has to be done. I have moved most of the larger items of furniture. Today I will be packing my kitchen and both bathrooms. Tomorrow I will clean and make the house as comfortable as possible for Bobby, Jenny and George to return on the weekend. Once the house is prepared, I will perform a cleansing of the bad so the good may return. Juniper and sage.

I Will Remember

Coffee in the morming sunshine.
A picnic by the Lake.
Sunset.
Thanksgiving dinner.
Children's laughter.
Moonlight.
Wearing a summer dress.
Hope...

There's a hole in my heart

...larger than the one in my front window.

Simple Pleasures

Coffee in the morning sunshine.

A picnic by the creek.

Sunset.

Thanksgiving dinner.

Clouds.

White wine.

Skinny dipping at a deserted beach.

Brightly painted toenails.

Cold beer.

Moonlight.

A crackling fire on a snowy winter's eve.

Butterflies.

Children's laughter.

Catching snowflakes on my tongue.

Summer rain.

Walks along the lakeshore.

Daisies.

Skating on the pond.

Thunderstorms.

Egg salad sandwiches.

Music.

Lazy summer afternoons drifting on the lake.

Stargazing.

Wearing a summer dress.

A kiss.

Going barefoot.

Slipping between clean sheets.

A smile.

ASH

Charcoal on White

8

1. I am blonde - no really.

2. I have four amazing children - one of whom my brother adopted.

3. I prefer individual as opposed to team sports - such as skiing and mountain biking.

4. I do not like sweets - but I love chocolate.

5. I have three cats, a guinea pig and a goldfish - all of them adopted.

6. I will not buy or build another house, unless it has at least two fireplaces - one of which will be in my bedroom.

7. I have a horse - that I did not adopt.

8. Life begins at Fifty?

oh

my kids are making pizza we just brought little miss fall fair to the fair one night before the fair so she could be judged its rainy and windy i just worked and lived the most challenging week of my life and i thought id already been there i was very sick one day and i thought id been taken over by the alien in me lurking behind the curtain of my unsheltered life we are discussing how it feels to be a bear who gets tranquilised and studied it seems we we have free ytv for the weekend and i have to work tomorrow but i fear life goes on through the amazing fall fair so does that mean i have to fall or rise or does it simply mean one year has gone by?

Signs of the Time

These photos are an apt memoir of our weekend drive to Spokane, Washington a couple of weeks ago. We brought my friend's two sons to the airport, so they could catch a flight to San Francisco to join their mother who is visiting that vibrant city. Since we spent much of our time on the road, I snapped a majority of the photos through the windshield of my mini van. There were occasions where I wondered whether we were still in North America, after cruising past such indicators as Naples and Moscow... However, the ubiquitous American flag was veritable proof as to our whereabouts - although, I did have to wait patiently until I found a banner of large enough proportions to grace my lense.

Just Like That!

I have no idea what I'm doing...

Beth snapped this photo as we were having brunch on the patio in Sandpoint, Idaho last weekend.

It was a rather fun and slightly decadent couple of days away from it all.

Maybe it was the wine...

Tnu's Magnificent Disappearing Act !

Lo and behold, I disappear for a week and find a new function in Blogger upon my reappearance...