"Don't Mess With Mum"

My kids came home from school one day
with a smirk upon their face.
They decided they were smart enough
To put me in my place.

Guess what we learned in a class today
that's taught by Mr. White?
It's all about the laws today-
The Children's Bill of Rights.

It says we need not clean our room,
don't have to cut our hair.
No one can tell us what to think or speak,
or what we have to wear.

We have freedom from religion
and, regardless what you say,
we don't ever have to bow our head,
and sure don't have to pray.

We can wear earrings if we want
and pierce our tongue and nose.
We can read and watch just what we like
and get tattoos head to toes.

And, if you ever spank us,
we'll charge you with a crime.
We'll back up all our charges
with the marks on our behind.

Don't you ever touch us-
our body's for our own use.
Not for your hugs and kisses-
thats just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals
like your Mum did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control
and that's illegal, too.

Mum, we have these children's rights,
so you can't influence us.
Or we'll call local Family Services
and we'll make a great big fuss...


I mulled it over carefully-
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face-
they're messing with a pro.

The next day I took them shopping
at the local goodwill store.
I told them pick out all you want,
there's shirts and pants galore.

I checked with Family Services,
and they said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Air.

I've cancelled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
Family Services is unconcerned,
so I'll decide what's best.

I said, no time to stop and eat
or pick up stuff to munch.
Tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and fried onions-
a favourite dish of mine.

The asked if they can rent a movie
to watch on their VCR.
Sorry, but I sold your TV
for new tires on my car.

I also rented out your rooms
to paying folk instead.
All that Family Services requires
is a roof above your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now
and I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get
will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your fancy toys-
your imagination will help you play.
And check out The Parents' Bill of Rights.
It's in effect today!


*Author unknown.