FEELING BETTER (about myself)

This is a photo of one of my favourite couples! I would also like to consider them friends.
They have brought to me music, wonder and even a little intrigue.
As artists who are in the public eye, they have managed to remain "normal" - from my point of view...
They help make me feel happy!

Now, to change the subject entirely...

I think I am going through that middle age mother thing.
I am beginning to spread around my own middle - oh, Lord help me! I admit it.
In recent months I feel as though I have been "letting myself go". I have gained more than a few pounds - and I don't mean the UK equivalent to our dollar! Ten pounds, to be exact.
And then there are the ten pounds I gained over the two previous years...
I have been fortunate enough to look younger than my years over the course of my life. I believe that comes from having a positive outlook and a healthy, active lifestyle.

The past year though, I have been staying home more and more. Therefore, not allowing myself to breathe fresh air, exercise my body, or feed my soul.
Financial matters have become worse, although I know they will improve in the long run.
That can be a huge strain on one's well-being.

I have begun a bit of a self make-over recently.
I have managed to cut back on my alcohol consumption considerably.
I was going through denial of what was happening in my life.
"Let the alcohol take care of my troubles..."
Before long the alcohol itself becomes trouble - I am no idiot and I know full well what I was doing.

I now feel much better, both psychologically and physiologically.
The troubles are still there, but I am able to meet them head on and I am dealing with them.

It has, in actuality, been a very interesting experience. I can now see how and why one may be easily drawn in to alcoholism.
My eyes have been opened and my mind has taken recognition.
I am very lucky.

I will now bare my soul with an excerpt from a piece that I wrote to myself several months ago:


" Why am I writing this? Why the need to change, if my life is good? I believe I can do better and be a better person. I have slipped into a lifestyle that is not productive and potentially destructive. During the past year, I became overwhelmed and I began to avoid facing day-to-day life. My own expectations of myself grew to unreasonable proportions and I figuratively jumped ship.

And I landed smack in the middle of a wine bottle...

To be honest, it is not a bad place to be - some of the time. That is the reason I ended up there. I could simply wrap myself in the state of euphoria the bottle had to offer and muffle the world around me. Unfortunately, that state does not exist forever and the little things I was attempting to ignore piled up in front of me. By the time I slowly opened my eyes again, those little things had grown into a mountain.

It was a short dive back into that warm, fuzzy bottle...

The odd thing about what was happening was that I knew what I was doing. It was not as though I had no choice. I walked into this with open eyes and my head held high. I take full responsibility for my fallen star. I also take full responsibility for my education.

No event in life is for naught. There is a reason for every happening, no matter how great or insignificant in appearance. Every moment has its threads that create a web for the fabric of our lives that radiate from us, moving out to become our lifetime. I discovered that there is no particular point that one can define as "the" moment, for they are all woven together to create a whole that is constantly shifting and changing. I found myself searching for that elusive point at which to alter my direction.

An apparent lesson in futility that washed ashore in yet another empty bottle..."


It has been an undulating road since, but I believe I have been successful in my endeavour!

I do not regret the experience.
It is part of my life and has helped to mould who I am.
It is something that I will bring with me for the rest of my days and, most importantly, I have learned from it.

I will now apply that lesson to help create a simple, healthy diet and an exercise routine for me.

My challenge to myself is to lose twenty pounds by July 2006 - and have fun doing it!!