I've caught myself weeping on several occasions today, yet the morning has scarcely begun. I am not sad - I don't think...
Little things, like helpless, new-born kittens discovered mewling in a box at the side of the road and seeing the photos of Grace's beautiful Mum on her blog, have moved me to tears. I worry over what happened to my brother's finger - I know nothing other than something happened. He's a pianist and a woodworker and his livelihood depends upon his hands being whole. Every paragraph in the thoughtful, witty novel that I am reading - one of a woman's courageous journey to her own Self - brings a moist pressure that wells from behind my eyes into the ubiquituous tissues-at-hand. This post, too, has me blubbering. It's Saturday morning and I am sipping my coffee while lazing back upon the pillows in my bed. I'm snug and warm beneath the touseled quilts. Outside a cold wind is gusting, chasing the clouds across a darkening sky, yet the air is crisp and clear, bringing every tree upon the distant mountainside into sharp focus. Shades of green, blue and brown are the colours of the day. During these moments, I will allow Myself to happen. Bobby is away this weekend and I have been temporarily relieved from, what I've considered of late as, the "rigid" responsibilities of parenthood. I feel so, because outside influences are now lying in wait, lurking and ready to pounce if I falter, stumble or fall "out of line". Self-deprecation, along with its sibling, self-pity, skulk in the wings, as well. My ceaseless attempts to keep those dark brethren at bay rob me of valuable energy. I wish I were Gandalf! I would shrivel those worthless creatures of my soul into nothingness with one fierce look and a wave of my hazelwood staff.
Nonetheless, today holds promise, as does every day at its dawn.
I cry - but I am smiling.
I too am sad over our brother's finger. About 10 days ago he was in the shop cutting wood and saw blood. He looked down and noticed that the tip of his index finger (from the base of the nail to the tip) was gone! He rushed to the hospital and was given needles, stitches and other much needed care and drugs.
ReplyDeleteHe is coping the best he can, but is worried about how he can adapt his piano playing - although he is confident about being able to continue to teach and do his wood-working.
Life gives us many tests, and this one is one of his. He's strong inside, but still I can't help but feel deeply saddened - as piano playing is one of his passions and it will take him awhile to adjust....
Thanks for letting me know, Lesley. I hadn't heard.
ReplyDeleteMy imagination led to far worse things after I read your comment.
We can be thankful.
He still has his finger.
Dear Dale, tears of both healing and exhausting.Let them flow and then rest. You've had so much to cope with in recent months, it's not really surprising that your emotions are running a bit loose at the moment!
ReplyDeleteYou writing is lovely...so evocative and heartfelt. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, but as you say, at least he still has his finger, and you still have your children, your health and your marvellous reslience and love of life. Take good care of you xxx Val
tears are both healing....oops again...should look more carefully before I press that publish button!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to read about your brothers finger. Lets hope that it heals and he will continue with his music and wood working.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I helped with your tears, I had a couple posting those pics myself.
You write so beautifully, it is very poetic. I hope by now your day has been more bright. As long as you are smiling, my Mom always said, better to laugh than cry. She loved to laugh. xox
By the way, the kittens I spoke of were rescued by Beth and her friends. I took them to the pet store where they had an army at the ready with emergency feeding kits (no pun intended...) and a nursing mother cat at hand. She adopted the 3 lost/found kittens and they are now resting and feeding well with their 6 step-siblings.
ReplyDeleteTo help out busy mamma cat, all the kittens will be supplemented with formula, as well.
I am so glad we have a wonderful place like our local pet store where they sincerely and actively care about all animals - large and small. They have rescued many.
Thanks Val, I do love to write. You being a writer yourself, I value your opinion.
ReplyDeleteI spoke with Glen this morning and his finger is healing well.
Grace, please don't feel sorry that your post moved me to tears. I believe that is what a good post will do - evoke thought and emotion. I thank you!
And my day did turn out brightly!
I found all my mountain bike equipment which I somehow had misplaced during my move. My helmet, shoes, shorts, gloves, etc. That certainly helped make my day!
Every tear drop is a pearl of wisdom..x
ReplyDeleteI wish I were Gandalf! I would shrivel those worthless creatures of my soul into nothingness with one fierce look and a wave of my hazelwood staff.
ReplyDeleteYou are Gandalf, dear heart, you are. Why, just reading this journal entry ... I saw those worthless hobgoblins pale at your courage and begin to wisp into tendrils of smoke as they trembled and sought escape!
xo