Apparently he fell off a zip line, landing on his left arm and breaking the humerus.
It was a clean break, so needed no setting, and Bobby will be fine.
He and his younger sister, Jenny, are spending a two week stretch with their Dad and I was taking some me time - as directed.
After work that day, I went on a rigourous hike and then, after we returned home, had dinner on the deck of a local food and beverage establishment.
My mobile phone was in the car, so I was incommunicado for most of the day.
I am going to make this a wee bit about me right now, because I feel very guilty about not being there...
I miss my kids terribly.
This is the longest I have been away from them - they have been my raison d'etre for the past seventeen years.
Beth has been staying with me, because it is more convenient for her to go to work from here.
I enjoy her company very much, but it's not the same without her brother and sister here, too.
That is something that I will have to adapt to.
There is a certain connection between Bobby and me that I cherish.
He is such a gentle soul with an inquiring mind, an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and a witty-beyond-his-years sense of humour.
I know his arm will heal, but my mothering instinct is strong and I want to be with Bobby so I can help him get better - I can't simply bury that feeling.
...there I was, doing something for me, and this happened.
It does shake my faith a bit.
There is rarely any time I am not available for my kids - but I wasn't that evening.
I know they are well-loved and cared for with their Dad - of that I have no doubt at all, but I do ache for them when they are not here.
I hope the feelings of guilt will soon pass - life is too short.
Ah Dale, this is something you'll have to get accustomed to, slowly but surely. It's hard for both you and your ex, because you both want your kids all of the time, but sharing them can also be very good because it does give you some you time, and that's also important...you haven't had enough of that at all. But I well remember that ache when mine were with their dad too. My heart is with you.
ReplyDeletePS Hope Bobby's arm mends well too. He's young, though, and boys wouldn't be boys if they didn't break things now and then! Soemtimes I'm glad I only had girls for that reason!
ReplyDeleteHope your son is feeling better.
ReplyDeleteVal, it's so nice to have support from a good friend who has been through it all - and come out well in the end. And boys will be boys...
ReplyDeleteBobby is on the mend - thank you, Third.
Listen Dale..that was just bad luck that he broke his arm when you were not there...nothing in the world can change that, but bobby knows you are there and were there for him at that time no matter where you were..
ReplyDeletei'll tell you a secret..this time apart from the kids feels strange for you right now...but...in time you will start to appreciate it and even 'enjoy' it..because like you say life is short and you have to have some of it for 'you'...do not beat yourself up girl...you can be a wonderful mother and Dale...you have so much to give..now live!..
ps..is the humerus the funny bone?... and my oh my he don't half look like you!..handsome little chap is going to break some hearts...
ReplyDeleteGypsy, I know that there is nothing I can or could do - it could have just as well happened in front of me...but at least I might have been there to hold and comfort Bob.
ReplyDeleteI missed being there to do just that.
I also am learning that I need to enjoy my own time (without feeling guilty), and that some day it will become just as much a part of my life as being a full-time, be-there Mum has been in the past.
Good thing Bobby has a good sense of "humer"...
...and he does look like me.
ReplyDeleteLoving your children and letting them go for an extended period is a tough thing to do, but probably is good for all of you. You need time to recharge your batteries and they need time to adjust to the "back and forth" that is now part of their life.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about Bobby. Glad to hear it was a clean break. I'm sure he WILL be fine and probably IS already.
xx
Hi Dale, I do not have children, but I can understand your feelings. My dogs have always been like my kids, and when something goes wrong, or something happens out of my control, it is a terrible feeling, it does not mean you love them any less. stuff happens. It is very hard for me to be away from them, I am very attached, but your time is important too. That is ok. Take the time and do some things you want to do. And you will see them soon enough.
ReplyDeleteI am glad Bobby will be fine. I can sense how you feel. Thinking of you xxo
Hi Dale,
ReplyDeleteMany words of wisdom from everyone here. Guilt is a programming thing for mothers, I'm sure. However, Gypsy speaks the truth. Just because you weren't there doesn't mean you weren't loving him or that you had stopped beng his mum. (Or mom if Canadians say it that way?). He knows that.
As for the time apart, think of it as quality one-on-one with Beth. That's something you don't easily have when all are together. At the moment my 15-yr-old Emma is away on a trek to Central and Northern Australia, and we're down to two girls for the next fortnight. Next week 17-y-o Madeleine goes on tour to Canberra for a week, leaving us with 13-year-old Sophie. In January Mads was on tour in Europe for a month, and at the same time we had an 11-day crossover period when the other girls were away on a Scout jamboree. Just us. It was lovely, and we, like you, knew they were all being cared for while we had fun.
The point is, the dynamics change, each has its positives, and children grow stronger with different experiences. I know your situation is not the same as a series of school excursions or social events - far from it - but although it's hard for you, particularly in these early days, I'm sure they will not suffer through it. It's YOU who feels the most pain, and I'm sure with time and experience that will lessen.
Sorry to bang on, but I watched my younger sister and her two girls go through this. They developed stronger relationships as a result. I think Miranda's girls also began to look upon her as a person in her own right with her own needs, as well as their mother.
And that can't be bad.
Hugs x.
PS: All those good looks and a great sense of humour too? Strap yourself in for the future!
Hi Dale,
ReplyDeleteI hope your son will get well soon! Please don't feel guilty about not being around, I'm sure they understand... Guilt won't make Bobby feel better, but your love for him will.
Dankjewel (= thank you) for stopping by at my blog!
I think I dropped to number two this week, but it was great while it lasted, hihihi!
So sorry to hear about your dog. I believe that cats and dogs really are members of the family and it's so diffcult to see them grow older and weaker.
To me, having had Dali and sis with me for thirteen years, it's weird that Dali has been missing most of the events of this year (she was always the first to comment on things and jump onto my lap and make as much noise as possible). The house is quiet without her.
So many wise words, Dale, but I guess whatever we say, and however much you know it's true, it's also very difficult to let go of the feelings of loss and inadequacy. The only consolation is that all of us who've weathered this kind of split have been through this, and in the end, the relationships with our children have been strengthened. I'm absolutely sure this will happen for you too, dear Dale xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Dale, here I know just how you feel. When Mike and I first broke up, the boys were spending a week with him and Scotty fell out of a tree and boke his arm.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, Mike and his "babysitter" did not diagnose him properly and it was days later when he was finally back with me and I took him to the ER that the break was diagnosed. It did have to be reset, and the bastard docter made me hold him down while he reset it, with nothing for the pain. It didn't take long, but my baby was in such pain when he reset it and I was holding him down and letting it happen. "If only I had been there... if only I had not let him go for that long... if only I had..." I must have beaten myself up for months and months over that. But, I finally realized, it was not my fault, not even really Mike's as Scott was (and is) such tough little nut that he went on with life as normal depsite the greenstick fracture in his radius. Nothing could have prevented it, and it was not my fault. I harboured so much guilt and pain from the two years after my split, with my babies with Mike for eight months at a time while I was at school. I crfiend myself to sleep every night. I still have to guard against feeling guilt.
My point is, Bobby knows how much you love him, and knows that if you had any inkling he had a broken arm you'd have been there, and frankly, if ever there were children who knew more categorically that their mother would move the earth for them, they are Bobby, Jenny and Beth.
You need to have time for you. You need to learn that it is okay to have that time. And you need to do it guilt free. Sweet Dale, this stuff I know from experience. You deserve "Dale time" and even more than that, you need it. You do not have my permission (or permission from any of us) to feel any guilt though. So there.
Hi Dale,
ReplyDeleteI hope your son is on the mend- a clean break is a good thing.
As far as those feelings of guilt go, I can't offer any parental advice, lest I compared your children to my dog, which I always felt terribly guilty about leaving behind in her last few years, but I think there has been much wisdom shared here. They will appreciate each parents separately now, and you and your ex will also have much needed time for yourselves, and that's all good.
Life's too short for guilt, dearest Dale. Make sure the time you spend with them is meaningful and everything will be grand- I say this as the child of parents who didn't stay together, although we were considerably older than your little ones.
Much love,
AM
Sorry to hear about Bobby's arm. He's a strong, healthy boy, though, and he'll be fine. What a hard thing to happen though, being the first extended time apart from him. My heart is also with you.
ReplyDeleteHayley visits her dad (and Stevie) every summer. It's always difficult, but I remind myself that her dad hasn't seen her for the rest of the year. Sometimes things happen and I can't be there. One year she was bit in the face by a dog Fortunately, it turned out not to be serious, but it was quite scary at the time. Like Grace says, "stuff happens."
This year will be different, though. She will leave home with her dad in mid-August and I won't see her again until July next year. :(
Seven or eight weeks I know I can do, but a whole year without back-to-school, open house, school concerts, parent-teacher conferences, dealing with overworked teachers and vice principals.....hmmm it's starting to sound a little better. Or not. It's just such a long time. She's never been away at Thanksgiving....or Christmas...or her birthday...
Dale, be glad that your kid's dad is nearby. I'm sure it's difficult in some ways; but it is a good thing for the kids. I made the difficult choice to leave the valley and move back to Iowa a long time ago, and knew that this time would come. My choices were very few then; and my family is here. At the end of the day, I needed to be near them more than anything.
Learning to let go truly is the hardest part of being a parent, but our kids have to learn to make their own choices and be who they were meant to be. How we handle what life dishes out affects them deeply (and vice versa). Heartaches just go with the territory.
There really is a lot of wonderful wisdom on this page. You've been mum for seventeen years. Learn how to be Dale again - no guilt allowed. Your kids know when you have guilt...and you'll always be their mum.
Thank you everyone...there definitely is much wisdom on this page.
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking I'm making mistakes as I go along, but I know I have to live my life.
And I can do that and still love and care for my kids....
They are going through a rough time, as well.
Thanks again for all your support and caring.